Seasons greetings from Angola, IN

Merry Christmas to all and Happy New Year.

The events of our lives in 2008 were abruptly overshadowed by the untimely passing of Lee's brother, Kurt. For those of you who haven't heard, Kurt, 40, was found dead in his Frankfort, IL, apartment last month. Our family is sad, but at least we know that Kurt is no longer in pain.

A family reunion, held in New Haven, IN, in October now shines with additional luster. For the first time in five years, all six Barb and Dick Sauer children were together. We didn't realize it was for the last time, but in retrospect, what a great way to say good-bye to Kurt.

This photo of Kurt was taken at the reunion. The girls and I have resolved not to forget him.

We've also resolved to be happy again. Reading over past Christmas letters, a pattern of silliness is apparent. One might go so far as to call the silliness a tradition.

This year will be no different. If you've enjoyed our silliness in the past, read on. If not, take with you our hopes for a successful, fulfilling and happy New Year.

And now, some news items cut from our local newspaper. The last one is entitled "Shar Pei Doggie's Downer," so if you don't see it, click on the "Older Posts" link at lower right. Enjoy!

Twilight series introduces new character

Stephanie Meyer, author of the popular teen book series "Twilight," said she plans to feature interspecies relationships in her fifth book. "I've always been a cat person," said Meyer. "Since Twilight is about love and vampires, what could be better than a human vampire with a strange attraction to cats?" Casting has already begun for a movie based on the book at a highly secret location in rural Michigan. In the photo at right, one of the young actresses vying for the lead role poses for a publicity still.

Lawsuit filed over defective cosmetic cream

The father of an Angola girl horribly deformed by defective face cream filed a lawsuit Thursday. Troy McClure, 50, alleges that Polyglot, Inc., failed to properly supervise the merging of its cosmetic and super glue divisions. He is seeking $500 million for mental anguish and help with doing the dishes. McClure's daughter, Jasmine, shown at left, was philosophical about her injuries. "At least my skin is really soft," she said.

Court case lost on genetic evidence

A young girl's plea for disassociation from her father was rejected in court Wednesday after genetic evidence proved a paternal link. MacKenzie Jill Sauer, who will turn 14 on Jan. 2, 2009, testified that Lee P. Sauer, 50, repeatedly mocked her in a falsetto voice saying, "Oh! Ist das German exchange student who lives across the street stretching his soccer muscles? Excuse mir whilst I run outdoors und scream for no reason!" The younger Sauer claimed she could not be related to a man who would embarrass her in this way, but the judge dismissed the case, saying, "Dude! Look in a mirror!"

Kuteness kampaign kommenced

What could be kuter than a kuddly kitten? Nothing. That's why the Steuben County United Way recently announced its Kuteness Kampaign 2009 with a-----you guessed it----kitten. "I'm very honored," said Noel, a 5-week-old, gray-and-white female chosen from the local animal shelter to be the campaign's mascot. "But if I hear the word 'cute' one more time, I'm going to scratch somebody's eyes out."

Siamese twins discovered in Angola crawl space

Police are investigating the sad, strange case of a set of Siamese twins forced to live underneath their home's kitchen floor. Henrietta and Heloise Potter, who are estimated to be in their teens, saw daylight only occasionally. The twins developed their own language with strange words like "Jonas," "Twilight," "HP," "Rhon," and "heesahottie." The photo at left was taken during one of the girls' feeding sessions. The twins' father voluntarily gave himself up to police and asked to be held without bond.

Tumor surgery scheduled

Funds are now being raised for a young Angola girl who is having major surgery on Monday. Patina Nola, 9, first noticed a blue, triangular tumor on her neck when her family lived in their native Mexico. The tumor continued to grow after the Nolas moved to Angola. Patina said it didn't bother her until classmates at Hendry Park Elementary began to write silly messages on its shiny surface. Despite the impending trauma, the girl remains upbeat. In the photo at left, she shows how the surgeon intends to remove the tumor. Checks may be sent to National Serv-All, in care of the girl's father, Felipe Sanchez.